Vaeldrakel Ponders
Greetings
Well i guess it's best to start with an intro, That's me up there ^ a 46 yr old father of 4 step of 2, Husband of a brilliant and beautiful creature whom i adore, ex-husband to a friend, Musician, songwriter, writer,Pagan minister, woodworker, metal worker, creative wellspring, amateur chef, philosopher, luthier ( that's someone who builds string instruments), performer, one time actor, Tarot reader, Reiki master..... or as my Eldest Daughter likes to say..."Freelance Yes"tm... I have a couple of issues that make me kind of unique, the most prominent being my brain... it doesn't work like other peoples and some days i hate it, it's rarely my friend, but i make it through and move along, i have severe ADHD inattentive type, my ability to focus, switch focus, and see details, are charted in the ranges normally reserved for special needs people (below 50% of national average) , however the REST of my brain tend to sit in the top 1% or 2%, so i have an IQ upwards of 190 except where i don't. the basic thrust of this is that i have no control of what my brain does at any given point. Those days when you've been up for days have a head cold and the kids are screaming and sponge bob is blaring and you can't get your brain to focus on doing the dishes... yeah that's me on an average day.
the other side of the brain thing is that i can see thing very clearly on the large scale, i understand why somethings that "should" be very very simple aren't, i can see how two things that are seemingly unconnected actually have a deep and important connection, i can also see why two people who oppose each other in views may in fact be reaching for the same thing. these facts make me good at helping people cope with their lives, but often will make me very very sad or angry. it also makes my ability to spell or do grammar a bit of a night mare so i'm sorry and bear with me please
Most of the world Calls me Cat and i'm most comfortable with that, My given name is Matthew if you MUST know. i've made some mistakes in 46 yrs, A LOT of mistakes, hurt some people pretty bad and in this introduction lt me say to any of them that may come across this blog... "i am unequivocally, and unconditionally sorry" be you friend, family, neighbor, enemy, or common Joe/Jane on the street. Doesn't matter if my actions intended or otherwise EVER harmed you in any way... right just now, at this moment ( and probably all if not most of the moments in the past 10 or so years), I'm sorry.
On the other hand, if i have helped you, raised you just one bit, made your day a tad brighter, or walked you through one of the dark tunnels in your life... thank you, you are the people who made me understand how i am supposed to be.
what can you expect on a blog by me, WELL damn near anything, from music, to thoughts on life and the world, to me ranting, to recipes, to hey look what i built, to me bitching about most anything, or bragging about my kids, wife, friends, etc.
Let's get to it.
that introduction given, right now i'm wrestling with some seriously complex issues, and in one of those rare moments there is actually someone to blame... that is in fact the problem... i'm one of them, I'm a Male for all intents and purposes (one day we'll tackle more complex gender issues, hell who knows maybe even later today but right just now we'll say i'm Male), SO If i am Male, a Man, then i am in the eyes of 50+% of the population, a possible predator. Sorry guys we are, there is no escaping it there is no ignoring it, IF you are a Male you are viewed at LEAST at first by MOST women, as a possible predator. They meet us they shake our hands and they wonder, will i be safe around this one?
there is a phrase used by the people i know who radiate the sense of combat readiness ( not all have military training, some of us just have the sense of how to fight, and then developed it) The sheep do not distinguish between the sheep dogs and the wolves. meaning Non-combative people can't tell which of us are good guys or bad guys, they are scared of all of us. Well that applies to Men too when it comes to women, most homosexual men, transgender people of all stripe, and honestly any other marginalized group. if you are apparently a white straight male, with ANY kind of social conformity implied in your demeanor, well guess what... their first thought is NOT "nice shirt" it's "will i have to defend myself against this person" OH before any of y'all who may be racial minorities feel better, if you remove the racial marginalization, you immediately jump into our category. Trans men, yup you too, homosexuals, unless you're broadcasting your homosexuality 24/7, welcome aboard.
Personally i find this completely unacceptable, i hate it, i hate it for myself for my friends for my daughters for my wife, my ex, my mom, and any other woman on the damn planet... i even hate it for the women who reinforce it (i'm looking at you ann coulter) i hate it for all the men i know, i even hate it for the guy who shot a bunch of people because he didn't get laid enough. because the reason it exists, is part of the reason he felt the way he did.
WHY, well folks, especially guys but to a degree ALL folks, it's our own damn fault, it's how we act towards and view women, not individuals, but women in general, why do I respect and honor my daughters and wife ( even my former wife) but STILL look at my golf buddy and ask if his husband golfs here when he putts way short of the hole... ( i am actively trying to fix this stuff in myself but yeah i still need some work). What's the male equivalent of a Tomboy, and how does it get viewed... Women, not necessarily the females we know and interact with are viewed as less than. My former Mother in law is afflicted with a type of racism common in her generation (she's in her 80's) she doesn't trust Black people, Hispanics, Italians, etc.. except the ones she meets... i've heard her come out and say, "I'm glad that you're not like those other Italians" i smiled and said thanks, but my head was reeling until i saw you were only part of that group until she met you, she doesn't like Italian People, once you meet her you are a Person, not a people... as a society we treat a group of people different than the persons we interact with.
ok so we have established that a lot of female persons, are getting berated and attacked because of how our society especially men treat female people... how do we fix it. Well we stop, first of all.. we remove the little things "you throw like a girl" "does your husband golf here" those things first and foremost... i'm sure i can come up with a way to make fun of my buddies bad shot without implying that being female would be less than male. we don't shout at women walking by, even if we are trying to compliment them, they spend too much time on their guard and for the VAST majority it just makes them feel like prey. when we approach a Lady we do it with the intention of being friends, nothing more, if more develops great, but really honestly approach the person not the woman.
Now we come to the part that makes me want to hit shit... Men's rights activists... hi guys i know you're out there... the guys who work hard to be pick up artists, who want to hook up with no intention of anything more, who go around whining about how women have all the power and crap... Guess what, you get a special form of pissed off from me. You see first of all you usurped the whole "Men's Rights" phrase to your cause so you could whine about how unfair it is that we don't live in a world where you have no responsibility for your desires, you usurped several conversations that actually needed to be had and now if someone tries to bring them up they become a poison pill. we can't talk about what happens when you actually go into a relationship as a friend fall in love with them and they don't fall in love with you and the pain that causes because YOU dumb asses are whining about being "friend zoned". We can't talk about the cognitive dissonance of being raised with no clear definition and little guidance on what society needs a man to be, because you want to live out some Mad Men fantasy. We will soon not be able to talk about how Prostitution SHOULD be legal and how it would make it safer for EVERYONE involved, because you decided to make it an issue of you getting your way. There were a lot of issues we needed to talk about that cross the gender border, we needed a cease fire to get both sides of the fence to a better place... but nope y'all had to go an whine about "involuntary celibacy", ya know what guys, it is not involuntary, you chose to be who you are and act how you do, and the female persons you know chose to not want to become involved in even a short term physical exchange with you. if you were more of a person, and treated them as a person, your "involuntary celibacy" would have likely been MUCH shorter, but you didn't want to, that was work, that was "giving them what they want" (as opposed to the rightness of them giving you what you want). Guess what kids, being a person is hard, it's a daily choice to be the best person you can be, and one of the reasons i have a brilliant, explosive, sex life is that i chose to have that with a person, and because i choose to BE a person, one who shares, one who exchanges, one who tries as hard as i can to correct the mistakes of my past and become the best person i can be. and the Woman person who i am with, appreciates that and it inspires her to WANT to share herself with me, and it inspires me to want to share myself with her. SO If you're looking for conquest.. go climb a mountain.
gonna try to be a bit lighter on the next blog, but for now there it is
